Quiz Night: He kindly stopped for me

Welcome to this Thursday’s Internet Quiz, vouchsafed and vetted for you by your friendly neighbourhood Robotic Librarian.

I have decided to offer a quiz about mortality this time around, but finding the right one has proven to be a challenge. So many sites are attached to products, usually books that promise to increase your quality of life. Boring. Even HBO’s Six Feet Under has a quiz to help you determine your death date. Hmm…nah. Not quite right. Hopefully I can find something more unique.

The first one I tried is called the Death Clock — it told me I am going to die Monday, February 19, 2024. It’s counting down the seconds of my life as you read this, and at this point I’ve fewer than 525, 182, 401 seconds left to live. The Death Clock is a bit grim and short on both questions and answers, since it’s based mainly on my body mass index and birth date…let’s try another one.

Next I tried another OkCupid quiz, the same compilation site that supplied last week’s geek, nerd and dork questionaire; this one is called the Death Test.



As you can see, I am given a little more time on earth from this one. The questions were slightly more creative, but I feel like I can find something better.

Next I tried the Day4Death quiz, very similar to the Death Clock in ways but it provides percentages rather than just a nail for my coffin. It told me “When you will die: Monday November 20, 2062, at age of 89.” as well as

Where you will die:
Nursing Home 43.10%
In Patient 33.70%
Residence 15.30%
Out Patient/ ER 4.00%
Other places 2.80%
Dead on Arrival 1.00%
Status unknown 0.00%
Place unknown 0.00%
How you will die:
Heart disease 38.20%
All other causes 19.60%
Malignant cancer 11.70%
Stroke 10.20%
Influenza and pneumonia 4.80%
Alzheimer’s disease 4.30%
Lower respiratory disease 4.20%
Diabetes 2.10%
Kidney disease 1.80%
Accidents 1.80%
Blood poisoning 1.40%

And not only that, I got a quick little list of

Who died on November 20:
2002 – Satellite TV pioneer – Henry Taylor Howard, dies at 70, plane crashed
1995 – Olympic Gold Skater 1988.1994 – Sergei Grinkov, dies at 28, heart attack
1985 – Cartoon voice, Bullwinkle – Bill Scott, dies at 65.

They win points for creativity and research at the very least. None of these feel right, though. Maybe I’m looking for something less predictive, less self-help. I know what I should be eating, how I should be exercising, and I know what diseases run in my family. Maybe what I’m looking for isn’t afraid to point a finger and judge me for who I am. A quiz that considers not only my impending mortality but my own attitude about it as well. In the end, I think I found the right quiz —

The Dante’s Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers) Very Low
Level 1 – Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) High
Level 2 (Lustful) High
Level 3 (Gluttonous) High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) Low
Level 6 – The City of Dis (Heretics) High
Level 7 (Violent) High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) High
Level 9 – Cocytus (Treacherous) Low

Take the Dante’s Inferno Hell Test

That’s right, it’s Dante’s Inferno Test. Now you can find out just where you may wind up if you do not live as you know you should. After today’s quiz, I think I ought to finish reading that biography of Saint Francis of Assisi… Good Luck!


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